I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
