How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
