His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
