Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
