i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
