There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
