would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
