So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
