dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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