My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
