in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
