i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
