you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
