No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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