just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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