Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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