I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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