forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
