my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
