Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
