I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
