I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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