I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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