I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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