I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
