You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
