I am in a vortex of obligation.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
