I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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