you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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