Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
