I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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