I cockslap morals
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
