So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
