it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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