Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
