I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
