i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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