WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
