I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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