idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
