he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
