her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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