I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
