When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
