he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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