Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
