i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
