Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
