I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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