I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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