My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
