Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
