If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
