We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
