Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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