Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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